At the beginning with You...

Have you ever had flashbacks to memories of things that had once been: loves you never thought you'd lose, people you always thought would be around, places you thought you'd never leave?  The past few days have been filled with flashbacks of all these and if I'm honest, they've filled me with fear, doubt, and heartache all over again.  

Oddly enough my iTunes is on shuffle and the lyrics of the current song can only be a message from God specially sent to me at the perfect moment because I've never heard it and didn't even know it was on my iTunes....take a look and you'll see why:

Theres a river of love that's here

Theres a river of grace thats here.

You're invited to come and swim

Within

Theres a river of love thats here

Theres a river of grace thats here

Youre invited to come and swim

Within

Fresh winds are blowing

Fresh winds are coming here

The tide, it is rising

The spirit is moving

He's moving

Death to the past its gone!

Heres to a new beginning

For our Gods not finised yet with Us.

Death to the past its gone

Heres to a new beginning 

For your Gods not finished yet

with you.

Theres a river of life thats here

Theres a river of joy thats here

youre invited to come and swim 

within

Theres a river of life thats here

Theres a river of joy thats here

Youre invited to come and swim 

within

Fresh winds are blowing

fresh winds are coming here

The tide it is rising

The spirit is moving

Hes moving

Death to the past its gone!

Heres to a new beginning

For our Gods not finished yet 

with us

Death to the past its gone!

Heres to a new beginning

For your Gods not finished yet 

with you.

Hes not finished with you yet.

Hes not finished with you yet.

Hes not finished with you yet.

Hes not finished with you yet,

For Greater is He that is in you

and He that is in the world

For Greater is He that is in you

and He that is in the world

For Greater is He that is in you

and He that is in the world

For Greater is He that is in you

and He that is in the world

For Greater is He that is in you

and He that is in the world

My mom's 51st birthday would've been the other day and every fiber in my being wishes I could talk with her about the ministry I'm blessed to be a part of here in Newcastle, heartaches that only a mother can console, my fears of inadequacy, and the reality of my undeserving circumstances (to think God would choose to use such a person as me continues to baffle me).  This song, however, and so many Scriptures remind me that no matter where I am in life, God's still not finished with me yet.

Life is nothing like I thought it would be, yet it's greater than I ever could've concocted.  Looking back into the past can sometimes make me fearful of the future because of pain I never anticipated experiencing, yet when I fix my eyes on Jesus and daily have an eternal outlook it reminds me that with my mom it's just a long "see ya later", loves lost are really making room for God's perfect plan (no matter what that looks like), and God is reaching my heart's desires in places I never thought I'd visit, let alone live.  God's plans far exceeds our best attempts on our own.

As Paul says, ". . . one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. . ."

Here's to a new beginning...let's see what He chooses to write in this next chapter.  I don't know about you, but I'M EXCITED!!

People, Prayer, & Pup

People:
Sometimes ministry is messy.  We are imperfect people, serving imperfect people, alongside other imperfect people.  This is something I've always known and I've embraced, however, as somewhat of a perfectionist, I can find it difficult at times.  At the Kairos Centre we work with a variety of people...those who follow Christ and those who couldn't care less, those who have addictions and those who have been freed from bondage, those who live a life of recklessness and those who live in reckless abandonment for Christ.

Prayer:
There are many hypothetical situations you talk through and discuss while working towards a youth ministry degree.  Reality and heartache set in when you realize those hypothetical situations only stay hypothetical so long.  The names, places, and details will change, but the situations...they're not hypothetical anymore, they're reality, a horrible reality, but they're the reality we're a part of.  And as Christ's ambassadors on earth we're called to come alongside the brokenhearted, the faint in spirit, those in need.  Please pray for the young people of Newcastle.  These are no longer hypothetical heartaches and life situations...they are reality, and they are the reality for some beautiful, young people.  Pray for them and pray that we can truly bring Christ into their lives.

Pup:
Since I've been back, it's like coming back from the "honeymoon" of the ministry.  I would be lying if I said everything was wonderful and easy. However, what excites me is that, despite the difficult situations in the ministry here in Northern Ireland...my heart and passion are still for Newcastle.  Encouragement, however, comes in all shapes and sizes...like tonight, one of the young men who comes to drop-in came up to me while I was sweeping the floor and said, "kylie, you're some wee pup."  I laughed and told him I had no clue what he meant by that.  He simply smiled and said, "you're a good person."  You get to know these kids: good, bad, and the ugly.  And the reality is they see your good, bad, and ugly just as well.  Yet they still see our good.  My heart's desire is to always see the good, no matter the situation.  Christ bore our sins on the cross and I believe it's because He accepted us where we were at, but loved us too much to leave us unchanged.  He saw us for what we could be.  Let's love each other for who we could be in such a way that spurs each other on to be who we were meant to be for Christ.

Invisible

Have you ever felt invisible to someone?  This recently happened to me and it really got me thinking while I was lying awake in bed.  As I was talking with God I became frustrated, not with the people to whom I seemed invisible, but frustrated with myself for even caring.  You see, people seeing or not seeing me shouldn't matter, in the grand scheme of things it really shouldn't.  Instead, I began arguing with myself about the Truth...and the Truth is, I'm not invisible to God.  The Creator of the universe sees me, all of me, good, bad, and the ugly, and He still chose to die on the cross because He sees me.

Used in a talk with the young people Summer Fused 2011

 It really hit me then and there that what I experienced is the world in which the young people we work with deal with on a daily basis.  A few months back one of the other volunteers and I were coming home from a different program, not associated with Kairos, but still working with young people.  We were heading back to my house so we decided to call a taxi.  As we entered the car, the driver asked what we were doing and we explained that we were running a program for the young people of the churches in the area.  Upon hearing this he asked if we had heard about The Kairos Centre and the work they did with the disadvantaged young people in the surrounding estates.  We gave each other this look of Just answer 'yes' so we can see what he honestly thinks about it.  So of course we said we had heard of it.  He went on to tell us how so many people will slag that place and the volunteers off, yet those are the same people who write off the young people in their communities.  He spoke of how he appreciates the work being done with the young people up in the Kairos because he can see a difference within the youth of his community and he appreciates that someone is taking the time to pour into their lives rather than complain and sit idly back doing nothing.

Joanna speaking with the young people on a Thursday night

Now back to feeling invisible.  My hope, my prayer, my desire is that the young people that venture into the Kairos and into relationships with the volunteers are not only seen, but they know they are seen and not invisible, to us or God.  We have had talks on Thursday nights on a regular basis this past year in hopes that this will arouse questions amongst the young people in their own lives and spiritual walks.  We have been very open to tell them that why we're here is not because we want to be seen as "do gooders" in society, but because we want them to know the Creator of the universe who loved us enough to sacrifice His Son to redeem us back to Himself.

The beauty of nature in Newcastle shouts His praise...it's breathtaking!

Please pray that the young people we encounter know they are loved by the King and His servants that volunteer at the Kairos.  Pray God bring about opportunities in conversations to talk with them about Christ and give the volunteers wisdom and discernment when answering questions and knowing when to speak and when to stay silent and simply listen to the hearts of the young people.

This is a Mark Driscoll Sermon, but what I pray we grasp and that the young people come to understand is the last bit from 54:51-56:40.  Please take the time to find that section of the sermon (of course listening to the whole thing is quite beneficial as well), but this brought me to my knees in tears and I pray it has the same impact on your heart as well.  I feel that when we truly grasp this reality of Jesus, we won't be able to do anything but share it with the world.
Do you think Jesus knows what it's like?

Dunno if it's for ever, but it's definitely for now...James 4:13-15

A friend in the States and I were able to talk for about an hour over chat last night and he asked me a simple question, "So you feel like you're in the right place?"  This question really got me excited because although my answer to it in relevance to where I am on this earth was, "Dunno if it's for ever, but it's definitely for now."

However, I can't help, but see that this way of looking at my life comes from the fact that I can see that no matter where I choose to be on this earth, I'm "in the right place" because no matter where I am I strive to see how I can glorify God while I am where I am and keep Him at the centre of my life.  And I've only come to this conclusion through the realization of His power and might.  God isn't dependent on me making the "right" decision in order for His plans to come together.  As much as we put so much pressure on ourselves to make the right decision, it ultimately should be a humbling revelation to realize God doesn't have to use me, yet He chooses to use me.  Now that is liberating!  To be a vessel for the King of kings and Lord of lords could not excite me more!! 

You see, the conversation I had with my friend back in the States came after I had finished over a 12 hour day and I was on cloud nine.  This was not because of any great conversation with one individual I could pinpoint, but more because I knew that through that long day I was being used by God and I could not contain the joy that was inside me in realizing He chooses to use me.

Yet still I ponder this verse:

The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.
Proverbs 16:9

For me it reminds me that God is a part of my mundane, every day, life.  He wants to be in my life.  The God who created all that I see, hear, feel, taste, and touch desires to and does know me intimately.  What kind of God does that?  Unconditionally loving is the only way I can describe it and that doesn't even seem to do justice.

I'm not going to say that I'm going to be here in Newcastle forever because as James 4:13-15 says,

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”—  yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.  Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”

This has taught me to realize it's not about figuring out where I'll be come this time next year, but rather making the most of today, for I'm guaranteed only up to this point, this moment in my life, and I'd like to know I did all I could to make my King famous right here, right now, today.

How am I, how are you, making The King famous today, now?