As my time here comes to a close I find this question blistered into my mind, etched into my heart: Why me, why here, why now?
I can honestly pin-point specific instances and situations that have made my heart ache to be back here, working with these drop-in girls, and making disciples through Kairos and the churches here in Newcastle.
For the past 2 year Northern Ireland is all I can talk about and when I saw the possibility to come do ministry here I couldn't contain myself. Ironically, if I'm truly honest with myself, I'm very intimidated by the young girls at drop-in, but I also know there is a need in their lives for spiritual guidance as well as older women to go to for advice and simply do life together. I also serve an Almighty God that although I am weak, He is so strong, and it is not by my own strength and abilities, but by the Holy Spirit that lives can and will be transformed, whether I'm here or not.
I know this will not be easy and it will be stretching me until I break, but I truly believe that is when God can truly shine, when we let go of ourselves and realize we are simply broken vessels Christ uses to spread his amazing love. I know I am not perfect, but I serve a perfect God, that's what makes this so exciting! There are times when I think I cannot reach these young girls because it is difficult for me to relate to them, I am unqualified, and I am not worthy. Best part is...THAT'S ALL TRUE! But because Christ can relate to all I can introduce them to Him who they can relate to, because I am unqualified God can truly work wonders through me, and because I realize I am not worthy, God can finally break through within a broken vessel. It is not the able, but the available whom Christ works through. I am willing to be used by God and pray that I don't get in the way of Him moving amongst His creation.
"We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."--2 Chronicles 20:12b
There are many things I know I want to see happen in the lives of the young people here, but it's facilitating the happenings of that where things become blurry for me. There is no doubt there is a desire by the women that volunteer for a revival, a wonderful movement within the Kairos for the young women to come to Christ, but it is the means by which to make it possible that seems to trip us up. I know that time is key. It just so happens that Kairos means time of fulfillment. I don't believe this is coincidence, but rather a constant reminder that the time spent in and around the Kairos and its activities has a purpose, a heavenly, divine, eternal purpose. To think that God has invited me to be a part of that is humbling beyond belief.
It is hard to describe exactly how I know this is where I'm meant to be, but what I do know is that if I gave up this opportunity to expand the Kingdom and reach people with the Gospel, I would never be content. I would always be wondering what if? and that, as a follower of Christ, is what I never want to find myself asking when people's eternities are at stake. My desire is not to come to Northern Ireland because it's an "easy out" because of lack of employment back home because I am actually turning down a career opportunity back home, but more because for 2 years my heart has stayed here, never strayed, never wavered, bringing me back time and time again. God is moving here, His Spirit is among us here, and in His presence is where I want to be.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.- 1 Corinthians 12:14
Sunday night there was a baptismal service at Newcastle Baptist Church. It was a night that truly represented what the Church is here on earth for and how it functions within society. Now this was a unique baptism in Newcastle because of the fact that the two people getting baptized were not Northern Irish, but Polish. What made it even better, there were people from Scotland, N. Ireland, America, Canada, and Poland (if not more that I simply wasn't aware of). It was such a depiction of the body of Christ bringing those dear to us into the body, celebrating through their baptisms.
What made this even better was the fact that English is not their first language, but that is one of the reasons they came to N. Ireland. Their friend, Ewelina (originally from Poland), suggested they come over to N. Ireland. One of them actually gave his testimony to us in English. I don't know about other people, but I have enough jitters talking in front of people in my native tongue, let alone another one that I've learned, where most people you're speaking in front of it is their native tongue. No pressure right? He did such a wonderful job and really made his personality and sense of humor apparent while sharing with us his story.
Such moving parts of the service were 1. as each one of them was baptized and came up out of the water, the congregation sang a verse of Amazing Grace, which was very moving and appropriate to bring the reality of the moment to light and 2. Ewelina closed that time by praying for the event in Polish. It was a time when, although only two other people knew what she was saying, it was apparent the Holy Spirit was present, and of course God knew every word she prayed even before she spoke.
Then, yesterday we had a discipleship course with the team from Southland in Lexington, KY. It was a night of encouragement, worship, teaching, chatting, and tea. Best of all, I had a conversation with a young man about how he has been thinking about the idea of baptism since coming to the baptismal service Sunday night. I am so excited to talk with him about his desire to get baptized, but am making sure he understands the implications of getting baptized and knowing why he wants to get baptized. It is definitely an exciting time in Newcastle, the Holy Spirit is definitely moving amongst us here.
With all the different nationalities present at Sunday evenings baptismal service I couldn't help but think of the follow Scripture. "Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many."-- 1 Corinthians 12:12-14
What made this even better was the fact that English is not their first language, but that is one of the reasons they came to N. Ireland. Their friend, Ewelina (originally from Poland), suggested they come over to N. Ireland. One of them actually gave his testimony to us in English. I don't know about other people, but I have enough jitters talking in front of people in my native tongue, let alone another one that I've learned, where most people you're speaking in front of it is their native tongue. No pressure right? He did such a wonderful job and really made his personality and sense of humor apparent while sharing with us his story.
Such moving parts of the service were 1. as each one of them was baptized and came up out of the water, the congregation sang a verse of Amazing Grace, which was very moving and appropriate to bring the reality of the moment to light and 2. Ewelina closed that time by praying for the event in Polish. It was a time when, although only two other people knew what she was saying, it was apparent the Holy Spirit was present, and of course God knew every word she prayed even before she spoke.
Then, yesterday we had a discipleship course with the team from Southland in Lexington, KY. It was a night of encouragement, worship, teaching, chatting, and tea. Best of all, I had a conversation with a young man about how he has been thinking about the idea of baptism since coming to the baptismal service Sunday night. I am so excited to talk with him about his desire to get baptized, but am making sure he understands the implications of getting baptized and knowing why he wants to get baptized. It is definitely an exciting time in Newcastle, the Holy Spirit is definitely moving amongst us here.
With all the different nationalities present at Sunday evenings baptismal service I couldn't help but think of the follow Scripture. "Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many."-- 1 Corinthians 12:12-14
Saturday, April 2, 2011
No One Ever Said It Would Be Easy
A lot has happened in the past couple weeks. We are soon to start a Bible study for some of the drop-in girls to familiarize them with the Bible and its contents, as well as sharing with them what it means to be a Christian and also living a healthy all-around lifestyle. This, along with a "workout drop-in" are two new events we're working on starting this coming week for the young ladies in the area. Although those interested in learning more about the Bible and how it effects their lives are few in number, we are hoping their eternities will be changed through Christ during our time with them on those nights.
Alongside those nights I am looking to start a Bible study/LifeGroup with the young ladies that volunteer their time week in and week out to building relationships with the young girls that come to drop-in on Tuesday and Thursday nights. These ladies are anywhere from Sophomores or Juniors in high school to teachers in the local schools. I am hoping that this can be a time for those who continually pour themselves out throughout the week to be refilled, refueled, and refocused to why we do what we do with our time (i.e. volunteer at drop-in).
Also, a former youth minister in the area who is recently back in town and I are going to be talking about starting up a Bible study for the Juniors and Seniors that go to church in the area to prepare them as they head out into the big world of university in the coming years. Now, over here 11th and 12th graders are called lower 6th and upper 6th, and when talking of these 2 grades you'd say 6th formers...however, it is not pronounced siXth over here, but rather siCKth. The reasoning I was told by the daughter of my host family (who is in upper 6th) is that siXth takes too much effort to pronounce. lol
Despite the excitement, nerves, and anticipation of these ministries beginning, I can't help but be a little frustrated. You see, on Saturday nights there is an event at the Kairos called Fused. Fused is our equivalent of youth group. However, because it is held at the Kairos, rather than at one of the churches (neutral "territory" for all denominations to come together) the young people from drop-in will sometimes come in and make a disturbance, thinking it's their place, if the doors are open, it's open to them. Although I want more than anything for them to hear the story of Jesus and for them to have a relationship with Him, it has become hard for some of the young people who are curious about Christ to fully benefit from programs like Fused because what use to be a place where they were respected and loved, a safe haven from ridicule and shame, has become another drop-in night where young people get up in their faces and yell, "Why are you an f-ing Christian?!?!?!" It was not until tonight that I truly understood the hardships and pain that come from such actions. I, at 23, being a Christian for 14 years, who has gone to conferences throughout my school years, has a Bible degree, and surrounded by fellow Christ followers, felt the pain from scorn, mockery, glances, and odd comments tonight. Being mocked and made fun of by several of the young people I am choosing to leave everything I know so that I can minister to them laughed straight in my face, made fun of the fact that my hands were in the air and I was singing the songs (that everyone else was singing behind them if they would've just looked)...I was in a room full not only of Christians, but fellow AMERICAN Christians, yet I still felt so alone, crushed, with those young people mocking me and tearing me down. Yet just last week I told one of the young ladies who recently gave her life to Christ to just blow them off, not let them get under her skin, to know that we love her and it doesn't matter what they say, she belongs, even though it won't be easy all the time. I didn't really have words to give her because I had never harshly encountered it myself. Tonight, however, my eyes and heart were open to a glimpse of the pain that must be in her heart. She doesn't have a Christian home to fall back on or family and friends close to her she can confide in. I can't wait to talk with her, pray with her, cry with her over the pain it causes. I know living a life for Christ is THE way, but that doesn't make me bulletproof. I'll stand strong in the battle, but wounds still need to be tended to. And because of my experience in battle (as sheepish as it may sound), I pray they will help this new believer's battle wounds become battle scars that tell a remarkable story of a fierce warrior. In times of war we need not stand on the sidelines, but join the troops in battle. I was sitting on the sidelines...that time is over. Where are you in the war? Are you healing wounds? Are you in the line of fire? Are you sitting on the sidelines? Are you on the front lines? Are you recently back from the war, telling of your battle scars? We are all in the war, though our places may be different. We are all warriors, are you armored?
Alongside those nights I am looking to start a Bible study/LifeGroup with the young ladies that volunteer their time week in and week out to building relationships with the young girls that come to drop-in on Tuesday and Thursday nights. These ladies are anywhere from Sophomores or Juniors in high school to teachers in the local schools. I am hoping that this can be a time for those who continually pour themselves out throughout the week to be refilled, refueled, and refocused to why we do what we do with our time (i.e. volunteer at drop-in).
Also, a former youth minister in the area who is recently back in town and I are going to be talking about starting up a Bible study for the Juniors and Seniors that go to church in the area to prepare them as they head out into the big world of university in the coming years. Now, over here 11th and 12th graders are called lower 6th and upper 6th, and when talking of these 2 grades you'd say 6th formers...however, it is not pronounced siXth over here, but rather siCKth. The reasoning I was told by the daughter of my host family (who is in upper 6th) is that siXth takes too much effort to pronounce. lol
Despite the excitement, nerves, and anticipation of these ministries beginning, I can't help but be a little frustrated. You see, on Saturday nights there is an event at the Kairos called Fused. Fused is our equivalent of youth group. However, because it is held at the Kairos, rather than at one of the churches (neutral "territory" for all denominations to come together) the young people from drop-in will sometimes come in and make a disturbance, thinking it's their place, if the doors are open, it's open to them. Although I want more than anything for them to hear the story of Jesus and for them to have a relationship with Him, it has become hard for some of the young people who are curious about Christ to fully benefit from programs like Fused because what use to be a place where they were respected and loved, a safe haven from ridicule and shame, has become another drop-in night where young people get up in their faces and yell, "Why are you an f-ing Christian?!?!?!" It was not until tonight that I truly understood the hardships and pain that come from such actions. I, at 23, being a Christian for 14 years, who has gone to conferences throughout my school years, has a Bible degree, and surrounded by fellow Christ followers, felt the pain from scorn, mockery, glances, and odd comments tonight. Being mocked and made fun of by several of the young people I am choosing to leave everything I know so that I can minister to them laughed straight in my face, made fun of the fact that my hands were in the air and I was singing the songs (that everyone else was singing behind them if they would've just looked)...I was in a room full not only of Christians, but fellow AMERICAN Christians, yet I still felt so alone, crushed, with those young people mocking me and tearing me down. Yet just last week I told one of the young ladies who recently gave her life to Christ to just blow them off, not let them get under her skin, to know that we love her and it doesn't matter what they say, she belongs, even though it won't be easy all the time. I didn't really have words to give her because I had never harshly encountered it myself. Tonight, however, my eyes and heart were open to a glimpse of the pain that must be in her heart. She doesn't have a Christian home to fall back on or family and friends close to her she can confide in. I can't wait to talk with her, pray with her, cry with her over the pain it causes. I know living a life for Christ is THE way, but that doesn't make me bulletproof. I'll stand strong in the battle, but wounds still need to be tended to. And because of my experience in battle (as sheepish as it may sound), I pray they will help this new believer's battle wounds become battle scars that tell a remarkable story of a fierce warrior. In times of war we need not stand on the sidelines, but join the troops in battle. I was sitting on the sidelines...that time is over. Where are you in the war? Are you healing wounds? Are you in the line of fire? Are you sitting on the sidelines? Are you on the front lines? Are you recently back from the war, telling of your battle scars? We are all in the war, though our places may be different. We are all warriors, are you armored?
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