As my time here comes to a close I find this question blistered into my mind, etched into my heart: Why me, why here, why now?
I can honestly pin-point specific instances and situations that have made my heart ache to be back here, working with these drop-in girls, and making disciples through Kairos and the churches here in Newcastle.
For the past 2 year Northern Ireland is all I can talk about and when I saw the possibility to come do ministry here I couldn't contain myself. Ironically, if I'm truly honest with myself, I'm very intimidated by the young girls at drop-in, but I also know there is a need in their lives for spiritual guidance as well as older women to go to for advice and simply do life together. I also serve an Almighty God that although I am weak, He is so strong, and it is not by my own strength and abilities, but by the Holy Spirit that lives can and will be transformed, whether I'm here or not.
I know this will not be easy and it will be stretching me until I break, but I truly believe that is when God can truly shine, when we let go of ourselves and realize we are simply broken vessels Christ uses to spread his amazing love. I know I am not perfect, but I serve a perfect God, that's what makes this so exciting! There are times when I think I cannot reach these young girls because it is difficult for me to relate to them, I am unqualified, and I am not worthy. Best part is...THAT'S ALL TRUE! But because Christ can relate to all I can introduce them to Him who they can relate to, because I am unqualified God can truly work wonders through me, and because I realize I am not worthy, God can finally break through within a broken vessel. It is not the able, but the available whom Christ works through. I am willing to be used by God and pray that I don't get in the way of Him moving amongst His creation.
"We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."--2 Chronicles 20:12b
There are many things I know I want to see happen in the lives of the young people here, but it's facilitating the happenings of that where things become blurry for me. There is no doubt there is a desire by the women that volunteer for a revival, a wonderful movement within the Kairos for the young women to come to Christ, but it is the means by which to make it possible that seems to trip us up. I know that time is key. It just so happens that Kairos means time of fulfillment. I don't believe this is coincidence, but rather a constant reminder that the time spent in and around the Kairos and its activities has a purpose, a heavenly, divine, eternal purpose. To think that God has invited me to be a part of that is humbling beyond belief.
It is hard to describe exactly how I know this is where I'm meant to be, but what I do know is that if I gave up this opportunity to expand the Kingdom and reach people with the Gospel, I would never be content. I would always be wondering what if? and that, as a follower of Christ, is what I never want to find myself asking when people's eternities are at stake. My desire is not to come to Northern Ireland because it's an "easy out" because of lack of employment back home because I am actually turning down a career opportunity back home, but more because for 2 years my heart has stayed here, never strayed, never wavered, bringing me back time and time again. God is moving here, His Spirit is among us here, and in His presence is where I want to be.
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