The Lord is close to the broken hearted, and saves those crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

You never think it'll happen in your town...
A little over a week ago my heart broke for my home away from home, Cincinnati, when I read on several status updates about the death of a young man in the area who many of my friends knew through their ministry at BLOC.  I could not imagine what they and their community were going through at the time.  Unfortunately, the city of Newcastle is in the midst of its own nightmare with a deathly stabbing occurring this past Friday night in a local park.  When we heard the news this morning we knew this was something we would come in contact with because Newcastle is a small town and news travels fast.  If you don't know someone personally, you most likely know their neighbor or somebody who knows or knew them. 

From what I can undestand, the late Paul Owens was a 19-year old who had shown up around the Kairos Centre during Drop-in every now and again before I was around.  Although I did not know him personally, those he left behind will and already have walked through the doors of Kairos.  This is a time when his family and friends are searching for answers, but I can't seem to come up with anything but silence in times such as these.

Please be praying for the victims family, friends, and that we have the right words to say in the right moments and know when silence is the best response.  Several young men we work with talked with him earlier the night of his death and were there shortly after it happened.  Also, one of the young men that comes to the Drop-in, he may be 12-14 years of age, tried to save Paul Owens by putting his hands over the wound.  I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like for him.  This is not something you want to encounter, but if we can at all be help to those in need during this time, we pray we not be timid but be bold for Christ be being what they need in a time when the world seems to be turned upside down.

Right now the only thing I can think to do is pray, but several girls I talked to tonight know that they can get a hold of me at anytime, day or night, but I feel I should be doing so much more than just making myself available, although I know that being available can mean so much to people, it still doesn't seem like enough. 

Tonight we were singing songs of God's love and how it is amazing, steady and unchanging, but I found it so hard to get the words out.  I didn't feel like singing, I felt like crying out to this loving God asking why?  It's so hard to take in that we don't have to understand it, but it has happened and we do have to deal with it.  So difficult.  All I could think of was Ecclesiastes 3

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven--
    A time to give birth and a time to die;
         A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
    A time to kill and a time to heal;
         A time to tear down and a time to build up.
    A time to weep and a time to laugh;
         A time to mourn and a time to dance.
    A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
         A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
    A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
         A time to keep and a time to throw away.
    A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
         A time to be silent and a time to speak.
    A time to love and a time to hate;
         A time for war and a time for peace.

 I don't know what to say in a time of grief and disbelief, but I know God is present and His Spirit brings peace, please pray it is evident in and through His Church here in Newcastle during this tragic time.

A mother's words

Many of you following this blog know my past, others, however, may not.  In light of that, I will tell you the short version.  When I was 16 my mum died of ovarian cancer.  She was and always will be one of the biggest supporters of my pursuit to serve in youth ministry.  Had she been alive when I was deciding to move overseas to do missionary work, there is not a doubt in my mind that she would be behind me 100% just like my dad and the rest of my family, though they would love to have me closer in proximity to them all.  She died on Tuesday, 30 March, 2004 right before Spring Break of my Sophomore year of high school.  The 30th of any month is quite difficult, and you would think that since February never has a 30th day it would be that one month of relief.  However, my mum was born on 23 February so that takes the place of a difficult 30th for the month of February.  It might sound strange to someone who has never lost someone near and dear to them, but my mother was very much my Paul, if you will, guiding me in the way a godly woman (young or old) would conduct herself by serving, leading, listening, and demonstrating the characteristics of Christ.  So losing her has very much effected me and dates become very vivid and meaningful, mournful at times.  While being in Northern Ireland I have been having a difficult time with the task assigned me: to expand the ministry to young women in Newcastle.  This does not only mean discipling those young women within the churches, but to develop outreach to young women in the area as well who do not attend churches.  Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a girly girl by any means so to interact with and develop relationships with the young women in a European culture is quite difficult for such a tomboy.  Though the task difficult, I continue to pursue, not really having a clue how to go about everything, but aspiring to do my best despite the mistakes I have and will make during ministry here. 

Ok, now on to what I put this post up for in the first place.  While here I have started to read some classics and am reading Little Women.  While reading it the mother had a little monologue that I feel would be just what my mother would say if I were to discuss life decisions and circumstances with her in this very moment in time:

     I want my daughters to be beautiful, accomplished, and good; to be admired, loved, and respected; to have a happy youth, to be well and wisely married, and to lead useful, pleasant lives, with as little care and sorrow to try them as God sees fit to send.  To be loved and chosen by a good man is the best and sweetest thing which can happen to a woman, and i sincerely hope my girls may know this beautiful experience.  It is natrual to think of it . . . right to hope and wait for it, and wise to prepare for it, so that when the happy tme comes, you may feel ready for the duties and worthy of the joy.  My dear girls, I am ambitious for you, but not to have you make a dash in the world--marry rich men merely because they are rich, or have splendid houses, which are not homes because love is wanting.  Money is a needful and precious thing--and, when well used, a noble thing--but I never want you to think it is the first or only prize to strive for. I'd rather see you poor men's wives, if you were happy, beloved, contented, than queens on thrones, without self-respect and peace.

 This, I will hold on to in the times when I doubt what I'm doing, where I'm going, and where my life is headed because many times it is scary, especially as a young woman in an area of ministry dominated by men.  Though I have to say our God is a God who provides, and has continued to place women in my path (many being my friends' mums and my mums girlfriends) from the time my mum went to be with the Lord until this very day (as Mrs. Hodnett passes along a book to me that she believes I will enjoy).

Please pray that ministry to young women in Newcastle will develop in such a way that the city, country, and world may be changed for the better because Christ is moving among us, shaping who we are becoming, effecting how we view those around us, developing a passion for compassion for a world crying out for a Saviour, whether realised or not.

Kairos=time of fulfillment

When I first heard the name of the drop-in, The Kairos Centre, I wanted to know what it meant, but with all the hustle and bustle 2 years ago until 2 Sundays ago I hadn't given it another thought because Kairos was Kairos and it represented a number of things to me.  However, I found it very interesting the other day while in a church service when the preacher began talking about the word Kairos and what it means.  It means "time", but not just as in a moment in time, a date, or what would be represented on a clock or watch, but instead a "time of fulfillment".

Anyone that has spent time at the Kairos Centre whether in leadership capacity or not will know that the Kairos Centre is about "time", it's what all its programs are formed around.  However, the most intriguing part of that to me is that the time spent in the Kairos Centre is a "time of fulfillment" of what Christ called us to in Matthew 28:19ff.  We are making disciples, telling people about Christ, loving on people by means of spending time with them, forming deep relationships that have eternal ramifications.  The Kairos Centre is very strategic in how it uses its facilities and time because time is of the essence and intentionality key.

Today I helped out for the first time with something the Kairos Centre calls Holy Club.  Despite what you may think of the name given to this ministry, it is quite impressive what happens here, although it may not sound so because you, the reader, cannot be in the environment and know the students we are working with.  For those of you in America, many of the students I work with come from broken homes (usually single mum homes in the government issued housing area of the Burrendale Estates) and the students have not grown up in the church, do not know many Bible stories, even the basics we take for granted, and are on many lists of juvenile offenders to some degree or another.

With that in mind, today we had Holy Club, which basically consists of a few of the older guys (high schoolers) that have been coming to drop-in for quite some time.  Some of them were in my small group 2 years ago during a youth program so I have some history with them and a connection through the loss of a parent.  These are some of the toughest young people in the area, but despite their thick skin they are beginning to show soft hearts, open to the Gospel and its message that a fellow missionary Ben has been speaking into their lives for several years.  We talked about the parable of the sower sowing seeds among different soils.  We then had a discussion, asking them which soil they believed themselves to be.  It was uplifting to hear them say how they desire to be the good soil, but find themselves among the thorns.  This shows that they are aware of what is going on around them and what they are surrounding themselves with.  Also, they began instructing each other in certain areas of each others' lives and becoming aware of where they could make changes in their lives as well.  Ben has done a wonderful job in how he has conducted Holy Club because the young men were not hesitant whatsoever to ask questions to us as leaders.  This says a lot, especially in this culture where people are usually very closed off and don't let people in very far into their personal lives.  It is a monumental step to break down those barriers.  These young people are becoming very transparent, but it is because they know that they are in a safe and loving environment.  God is moving, He is among us, the Light shines in the darkness.  I wish I could go into massive detail, but it would be tedious and probably boring to you, the reader, because reading about it is nothing compared with experiencing it and being here among the ministry and outreach that is the Kairos Centre.

Blessings

Trading Places?

Have you ever looked at the Bible, read its stories, then looked at the government and thought the government is doing a better job of being the Church than the churches are?  I can’t help but get frustrated when I see the government giving charity to those on welfare, not because I am against welfare, but because I feel that that’s where the Church should be, helping those who are less fortunate and making a way for them to survive in a life-sucking society.   

It seems to me that the churches have taken themselves so far out of society (“be in the world but not of it”) that they can’t help the world that they are in, which is their very calling from Christ (Matthew 28:19ff).  This does not span just over the United States, but in the UK as well.  Let me explain.  I am right now living with a gracious host family where I live in a lovely home filled with the aroma of tea throughout the day (the daughter and I cannot get enough of it it seems), yet in the evenings I go into town and spend a few hours with young people from what would be seen in America as the “welfare community”.  

My question I ask daily is, how do I relate to them?  How can I minister to them in a way applicable to their lives?  Or more so how can I better minister to them?  A simple, yet somewhat scary answer is to live amongst them.  Look at Jesus as an example.  When He ministered to people He didn’t tell them to come to Him in order to receive the message (although many did follow Him), He went to them, came to their cities, entered their houses, in order to better understand them, better reach them, because He was immersing Himself in their culture, in their lifestyle, in their LIVES.  How better to understand someone than to “take a walk in their shoes”?  I can’t help but be frustrated amongst the blessings I have been given here because my desire is to reach the people of the “welfare community” known in these parts as the Burrendale, but in order to do so I must be immersed in their culture, understanding their needs on a daily basis so that I can fulfill those in hopes of fulfilling their spiritual needs when God sees a fitting time to do so.  I see how society and the Church should interact and encounter each other, but there is an absence in that the Church is absent, unseen, yet the government is plainly doing what the Church has ultimately been called to do.

I see how the Church (including myself because I am a part of the Church) ought to interact, but doing so is hard with minimal numbers, but my hope and prayer is for this vision to become a reality.  To do life amongst those living in the Burrendale, meeting their daily needs, and ministering to their spiritual needs in the same breath. 

“Heal my heart and make it clean, Open up my eyes to the things unseen, Show me how to love how You have loved me, Break my heart for what breaks Yours, Everything I am for Your Kingdom’s cause, As I walk from earth into eternity.”—Hosanna by Christy Nockels

“Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.”--Henry David Thoreau

For a year and a half all I could talk about was moving to Northern Ireland to do youth ministry and mission work.  Now that I'm here and that dream is slowly but surely becoming a reality, I can't help but dream bigger.  When a team came over from CCU in March of 2009, a group of us talked about how great it would be for the 5 or 6 of us to move over here, and do life among the people, live amongst them, and simply be Christ to them outside the walls of the church buildings.  We all talked about what we could bring individually as well as telling each other what we thought possible for them to do too.  As much as it was a "wish" of the group, it became a dream I wanted to see become a reality, at least in my own life.


“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.”-- Anatole France

Being here now and seeing the influence outsiders who stay long-term has on the community, gives me a better understanding, especially talking with locals, of what could be possible.  When I was here before for a 3 month internship I noticed that teams would have a positive impact on the community for a couple weeks, but then they would leave, another team would come in, and they would have to start all over again from the beginning.  The youth in the area were being positively impacted for short spurts and then they would have to start all over again, making small talk, eventually deeper conversation ensued, deep relationships and connections were made, but then the outsiders left again.  It was a vicious cycle (even though it had a positive impact while it lasted).  It made me see what could be, what ought to be.  Many of the girls have told me that I am one of very few who have actually come back and kept in touch while I was away.  They all said it feels like I never left because I have kept in contact, held to my word, and have made an effort to stay in their lives and come back time and time again.  My desire would be to have a group of 5 or 6 come along side me in a mission of living amongst the people for 6 months to a year (at least) because outsiders have no prejudice from living among the young people they will interact with, whereas the people who are from here have their own thoughts on young people (which is the same thing for people in the States working w/young people in their neighborhoods and towns).  But when outsiders come in, the young people are given a clean slate, a glimpse of hope, another chance.  Isn't that how God sees us?  Like Christ, a clean slate and seeing what we could be, what we ought to be?  We are, in fact, called to be Christ in a world where love should triumph, where justice ought to prevail, and Christ be glorified through it all.

“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”-- T.E. Lawrence


I know what I am describing here is far out there and calling people to go out of the safety and comforts of home, but I believe God didn't call us to be safe or comfortable.  Just look at His disciples.  I don't know where this will go, but I will be praying that this dream, like others I have had before, will become a reality.  Will one day come to be and transform this city.  This is not to say that those from among the city are not needed, but the combination of locals and outsiders is unique and can only be a benefit with the locals' history and knowledge of the community and the outsiders' fresh perspective.

What if...

Do you ever have a dream, well, more like a nightmare, wake up, and thank God you woke up and it wasn't real?  That happened to me the other night, but I haven't been able to shake it off because as much as this nightmare was only in my dreams...it is very real for many people.

My nightmare:
I was in Northern Ireland, but there was also the Jewish Synagogue from my hometown there as well.  All of a sudden, these foreigners came in and began tearing apart our Bibles, burning them in the process throughout the streets.  They also did the same with the Torah of the Jewish Synagogue, tearing it apart and torching it up.  They made sure no trace of the Bible or Torah were in the town before they left.  They didn't want anyone to have the chance to read it, meditate on it, study it...believe it.  I wanted to be able to wake up from it all, the fire, the heat, the fear.

But when I woke up the fear was still there, but it was a different type of fear.  The fear in the dream was for the safety of those in the city, but the fear when I woke up was one of inner fear, thinking what if that were to happen, would I even notice that sacred book was gone?  Would I miss being able to crack open my Bible and read?  Even more so, would I be able to recall what the Bible said, what was written in that sacred text?  Would it have any effect on my life?  Since the new year, I have been reading a bit of my Bible each day so that I will have read all the way through the Bible by the end of the year.  Even though I grew up in the church, attended youth group and camps, and studied at a Bible college, I still haven't read the Bible all the way through, but I've wanted to for some time.  I don't know if this has any effect on the fact that I had that nightmare, but when I first started it was just something I ticked off my list of things to do for the day, but after a few weeks I noticed myself getting caught up in the stories to where I wasn't paying attention to the page breaks and realized I was reading more than the daily reading recommended in order to finish in a year.  It began as if I felt I needed to read it because I hadn't before, as if it were a task for the day and to achieve within the year, but now, I look forward to that part of my day, I wake up wanting it, craving it.  I never thought I'd experience that.  It breaks my heart to think that there are those around the world (57%) that have never even HEARD of Jesus, let alone have the Bible in their language.  God hasn't called me to those who need the Bible in their language, but to a place where God's love is needed nonetheless.  How can I show Christ's love if I haven't experienced it myself through His Word daily?  I'm not saying if I "miss a day" I won't be able to show His love to those around me, but having His Word in my heart will bring loving words from my mouth and loving actions with my hands. 

"The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart."
--Luke 6:45

"Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in." -- Napoleon Bonaparte

I helped out with the girls' night (Bible study) of 1st-3rd year students Wed. night at Crosspoint, which is the drop-in located in Dundrum, Co. Down.  It was a "spa night" so we were doing makeovers, facials, painting nails, and of course DANCING!  In fact, when Jen (the leader of the Bible study) asked if some of the girls remembered me, they weren't too sure.  Then some of the girls that were in my small group in Newcastle told me to get to the "dance floor" because they were putting on the song that might bring back the young gals' memories.  And yes, they put on the Hoedown Throwdown and when I started doing the dance one of the girl screamed, "NOW I REMEMBER YOU!!!"  It was hilarious to think that little things like that jog their memories.  At some point I am meant to teach them all that dance which will be fun.  The best part about helping out with this group is that there were leaders from all over (Northern Ireland, Scotland, USA, & Canada) which is perfect for young girls that are in different areas in their lives.

Thursday I went into town with a fellow American from Denver, Colorado.  Cynthia is one of those people that comes into your life, and although they may not always be physically present, their advice, wisdom, and outlook on life speak to you and into your life more than some you are around daily.  She took me into town to a local cafe and since we had both already had breakfast and it wasn't quite lunch time yet, she decided we should grab some coffee.  Now, I'm not much of a coffee drinker, but she said I should try a latte, hazelnut to be exact, and let me tell you, I many not be a coffee drinker, but oh man was that latte delicious!  It could perhaps have been due to the lovely company, but who knows.  She later took me by her house to see where she recently moved to, chatted quite a bit about the ministry in Newcastle, opportunities, people I should get in contact with, etc.  Then we went to visit our friend Ewelina who works at The Harbour Coffee and Deli Shop.  Of course a short visit in Northern Ireland stretches to hours of chatting because you always see someone else you know.  That is one of the wonderful aspects of the culture.  There is such a desire for relationships and conversation.  It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from, a cup of tea and some biscuits and warm conversation coat the culture and welcomes anyone from anywhere.

Friday was a day where I was able to spend time with the host family's daughter.  We both LOVE tea and LOVE chatting.  So  much so that we stayed up until about 2 in the morning chatting away.  When you talk with someone like that for that length of time you get to see their heart and it was wonderful to see how much she thought about others and desired to help others. 

Then Saturday I helped at FUSED.  It is a Saturday night youth group type of activity where there are games like pool and ping pong, as well as Just Dance 2.  An American, Ben, who has been over for quite some time to do youth ministry type ministries in the area spoke on temptation after having a student from YWAM come up front to tell his testimony of struggling with temptation.  Afterward, a group of students played a few worship songs and then people spent some time chatting, we played some games, talked with those from YWAM, and eventually headed home.  I was never quite sure what kind of impact I had made when I came over for my internship a year and a half ago, until I walked in on Saturday night into the room where they were playing Just Dance 2 and one of the girls screamed my name and came running to give me a hug.  I had been told she had given her life to Christ shortly after I left.  The news was one thing, but the first hand experience of the transformation in her life and lifestyle sent chills up my spine.  It was such an encouragement within the first week of being in the country.

Sunday I was able to chat with several people about ministries they would like me to look into serving alongside, needs of the churches, and catching up with some of the girls in my small group.  It is amazing to me how much people remember from your stay in the country the first time.  It makes you really appreciate and savor the moments you have because you never know what the future holds.  It seems to put intention into your relationships, knowing that because you are an "outsider" your influence is different than those from the area.  Sunday night, because it was the first Sunday of the month, the Baptist Church had a youth service where youth preach/teach, lead worship, and speak on missions and the Bible.  Afterward there was tea and biscuits (cookies), crisps (chips), and little nibbles.  What I found fascinating about this service was that it was lead by youth of the community, but half the people that attended were considered some of the elderly in the church.  The youth were being encouraged (whether they realised it or not) by the older generations of the church.  Although times may be dated here when it comes to "contemporary services" there is still a desire to reach the youth and let them know they are loved an accepted among the congregation.  This gives us hope for the future missions and ministry here in Newcastle, Co. Down, Northern Ireland.  The love of Christ is expanding beyond the walls of the buildings, into the village, and through the generations.  Please keep them and the mission from Matthew 28:16ff in your prayer.

As I begin to configure what all I will be doing in terms of ministry in Newcastle, please continue to pray for those I am able to interact with and that God will give me the words to speak when they need be spoken and to sit in silence and listen when He deems necessary.  This is one of the most difficult aspects of ministry and mission work in Northern Ireland, discerning when to speak and when to listen.  Many times in prayer I seem to speak without thinking of even listening.  Lately I have struggled to listen quietly and submit to Christ's work here.  It is my desire to hear God's voice to guide me in where I should go when it comes to ministry opportunities and such.  However, I also know that God speaks in many ways, such as wise counsel and experienced ministers and missionaries.  Pray that we help this community see and become what it ought to be.  We send our love and thanks from across the pond!! Thank you for reading (this very long blog) and know that you can always e-mail me or message me on Facebook if you have questions or prayer requests of your own for me to add to my prayer wall.

Familiar Faces

Tonight I had my first drop-in since being back and let's just say I had a few butterflies walking into the place.  Both from excitement and nerves.  But something you need to know about the Irish...they know how to make a person feel welcomed!  Man oh man did I ever!  I got to catch up with a few friends and fellow drop-in workers beforehand and then met some new ones as well.

They recently bought Just Dance for the Wii at the Kairos Centre (drop-in) and let me tell you, if you have Wii this is the game to get.  It is so much fun (both to watch the screen and the people playing lol)  It definitely is one of those games that anyone and everyone can enjoy together.  I also got to chat with some of the young men from one of my small groups.  It was encouraging to hear these guys who use to fight us about the Bible and God speak of how they enjoy Bible teachings and are looking at mission trips to Romania and such.  Then playing ping pong against them and not being near as bad as they thought I'd be was quite fun as well.  Sitting together and chatting, playing games together, being open and honest and simply doing life together.  It's a beautiful picture, so it is.

Speaking of together, that is one of my main focuses while I am here.  Several people, when chatting and catching up, have told me, "It almost feels like you never left."  That is one of the most encouraging things to hear coming back to the place where my heart has been the last year and a half since my internship.  But I think much of the reason for that is because we are together because we are the Church no matter in Ireland, America, or anywhere else in the world.  Because we are the Church we are together in Christ.  My desire, however, is to bring people together where they do life alongside one another, through the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly, the easy and the difficult. 

One thing I find difficult in the culture here is getting people to open up.  The way I like to describe it is that Americans (on average) are not very hospitable, but we'll tell you our life story within a few short moments of knowing you.  Irish, on the other hand, are very hospitable, but (on average) put a wall up to where they don't share their difficulties and hardships.  This is one thing, as an American, I would like to see change, not so the young people are more American, but so they feel they have a place they can come to for refuge during hurting, trying times.  I envision Kairos to be the place, that when all else fails, will stand next to them, giving them the strength only supplied through Christ.

I've looked at the word together since writing it in this blog and it makes me realize that we the Church need to come together to-get-her.  Let me explain.  The Church is always called the Bride of Christ and therefore it is considered she (or her).  And as the Church, we are incomplete until we have reached all with the Gospel.  So as the Church, the Bride of Christ, we must come together in order to get her, the rest of those untouched, unloved, that should be unveiled to His redemption and restoration.  It may not make perfect sense in a post, but it is compelling in my mind to where I wish I had the words to make it all make sense.  Maybe one of these days I'll expound upon it.

But know that Christ is moving in and through you in ways you couldn't imagine.  Remember, less is more.  John 3:30 "He must increase, i must decrease."