Love makes you do some crazy things

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me," Luke 9:23.

As I am settling into life back here in Northern Ireland, I have heard different reactions.  But one that struck me hard was that some had feared that I wouldn't return because well-intentioned people were advising me to think seriously about taking the job offers I had been given while home in the States.  Anyone who knows me and the types of jobs that were offered know that they are right up my alley and careers I would truly enjoy having.  However, I knew in my heart that if I did not return to Northern Ireland for the next three years, I would be giving into my fleshly desires to be comfortable, self-reliant, and selfish.

These are not words to describe a Christ follower.  These are words that describe a worldly person.  I don't want to be defined in those ways.  I don't want to be comfortable, yet empty.  I don't want to be self-reliant and, therefore, stressed.  I don't want to be selfish and apathetic.  I want to be uncomfortable so I continually look to God for guidance.  I want to rely on God, knowing that He can do more through me than I could ever do on my own accord.  I want to be selfless, for "what is [my] life? For [I am] a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes," but God is eternal (James 4:14).

Some may hear of my denying those jobs and declare it crazy.  But I know I would live my entire life looking back in wonder, regret, and disappointed in myself for not following Jesus' call on my life.  The truth is, one of those jobs is still open to me, no matter when I return.  It's not to say that made leaving easier, but it more felt like Jesus reminding me that no matter where I go, no matter what I do, He is with me, He is providing for me, and He will honor me, His beloved, because I choose to follow Him, my beloved.

Love makes you do some crazy things...I'm ready to ride this wave of crazy Love for a God who loves me like crazy.

A Glimpse

The day has finally come.  I'm home in Northern Ireland.  It really is surreal.  Like I'm in a foggy haze of a dream, but this dream isn't one I'll wake up from, this dream is a reality...my reality.  I'm literally living my dream.

Tonight I got a glimpse of what, in my opinion, being reunited with all those who have gone before us to be with the Lord will be like.  You see, I was bombarded by what seemed like a million hugs. IT WAS HEAVEN!  Anyone who knows me, knows that I love hugs.  It was the perfect welcome home present(s) I could've gotten.

We also sang some songs, had a talk, and broke up into small groups.  This was when I really felt God lay it on my heart to be honest and vulnerable with the young people.  With that and asking them to be honest with us as well, each one began sharing their hearts and what they really want out of life.  It was a beautiful Body of Christ moment where I felt we were in true Christian community.  Being the hands and feet (and ears) of Jesus.  To hear the hearts of our brothers and sisters helps us better know how to equip and empower them to get to where they're going and experience what they want to experience in life.  What amazed me was the diversity in our desires.  It was yet another glimpse.  A glimpse into the creativity of God.

Of course I only have to look outside or listen to everyone's different laughs to know He's creative, but to think that even in our desires and being created so differently, yet being together and spurring each other on, is also a glimpse into the unity of the Trinity.  Three distinct, yet perfectly One.

Then there was singing happy birthday for some of the kids since it was their birthday.  Now, here's the deal, "Happy Birthday" is one of my favorite songs to hear sung by the Irish because when they sing "you" their accent is so distinct.  It was yet another little gift God was giving me over the course of the night.

My prayer is that you, and I, don't box God, limit God, but keep our minds and hearts open to see Him at every turn, every passing moment, knowing that when we're experiencing joy, He's there.  When we are in anguish, He's there.  Even when we are lonely, we are not alone.

It's these moments, these glimpses, that remind me that we're not Home yet.  But on our journey Home, God is with us experiencing those glimpses right alongside us.  Will you join me in welcoming Him in, to share with you the glimpses, to journey with you?

A Voice from the Cupboards

Now before you go dialing the doctors number thinking I'm crazy, hear me out.  In our kitchen at my dad's place are several cupboards where we keep baking essentials, bowls, cups, plates, mugs, and randomness (doesn't everyone!).  But amidst all of these is something (or several things) that can be overlooked.  And believe me, for many years, I did.

They are words of wisdom, encouraging sayings, Bible verses, and positive outlooks...

This may not seem like much to someone who just opens our cupboards, but those who know our family will recognize the handwriting of a love lost...my mother.  These are words of her heart written on colorful 3x5 index cards, cut out of magazines, and copied out of books and poems.  They are her voice whispering in my ear if I'll only listen.

It's amazing how, although she is gone, and has been for some time, she still encourages me, guides me, and cheers me on.  Whether it's a family friend telling me, "Your mom would be so proud," or the words she wrote so long ago meeting me in the kitchen on my way to make a simple cup of tea, she has left a part of herself here, her heart, her words that she held most dear encouraging me to do something she, too, would've loved to be a part of, and she still is...even if not in the physical sense.

While home, it was a little discouraging to be away from the girls, the ministry, and the people I have grown to love like family.  It is most certain that my heart was left in Ireland, but my mom was still speaking to my heart through those words, written with love and no way to fathom when or why I would need to hear them, but that I would need to hear them nonetheless.

She always was my biggest fan, and even today, years after she has gone to be with Jesus (and Rich Mullins--that one's for you Aunt Kim), she helped me put things into perspective, have a Jesus-outlook, and press on towards that which God has etched onto my heart...Ireland.

With that said....

Excitement is in the air!  I have recently received my 2013 UK Visa in the mail!!!  Although this is not the time frame in which I anticipated it happening, I can see how God had more to put towards the ministry in my longer-than-anticipated time State-side.

Several churches and organizations have voiced their support through prayer and financial partnership, I have been able to see many dear friends and family that I wouldn't have been able to see had I been home for the mere 2 months I previously anticipated, and God and I wouldn't be as close as we are now.  It really has been a blessing to be home State-side and get to love on the people God has placed in my life, but it is now time to say those tearful, bittersweet goodbyes that tear at my heart, but make it beat fierce with excitement at what is to come.  This time next week, I will be in Ireland, I will be reunited with my heart, but more importantly, the people God has entrusted me the privilege of loving, caring for, and experiencing life with together in a way I never would have anticipated, but God knew would be the only way to give me purpose, fulfillment, and joy at this time in my life.  I praise God for what He is doing both in me and through me and pray that He continue to never stop seeing a use for me.  At times you would think, when life gets tough being away from all that is familiar, that I would get frustrated, but the opposite happens, I thank God for opportunities to grow, because in all things, one thing remains...He is with me.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'M BACK......well, almost :)